Red Ragtop
by simplyaprillyn
Summary: Your first love is always the one that you hold on to, right? Based off of the song "Red Ragtop" by Tim McGraw.


_I was twenty and she was eighteen,  
We were just as wild as we were green, in the ways of the world_

The summer of 1995 was the first summer that I met her—Jo Taylor. She was the love of my life, and if it wasn't for all that happened along our journey, I would have never let her go. She was beautiful and I yearned for every part of her. She had dark blonde hair that fell into a pool full of curls and these soft green eyes that were capable to melt your heart. She curved in all of the right places, and wasn't too tall or too short. She wasn't too skinny, and she wasn't too fat. She was perfect. She was mine. We met on a whim—community college classes in the area, and soon after I turned twenty, I dropped out to work. Why was I going to need college? She told me that I was going to need it to survive in life, and back then, I could have said "No, way," In fact, that's exactly what I did. And now, I'm kicking myself. I'm an ex-mega sellout of a popular boy band that retired almost two years ago. And now, I'm unemployed. 1995 was the shortest time that I had to send with my first love. After all, that's always the most important.

_She picked me up in that red rag top,  
We were free of the folks and hiding from the cops,  
On a summer night runnin' all the red lights_

"Kendall! Come on! Get in the car!"  
"Where are we going?" I said, as I hopped into the car. She didn't care budge to get out of the driver's seat.  
"Far away from here,"  
That's still ringing in my ears, and honestly, this night is one that will always play. Jo was a daddy's girl, and she was rich. He gave her a 1974 candy apple red Chevy Cabriolet for her sixteenth birthday. The car was fast and the cops had been on her case ever since she stopped drag racing in high school—they suspected something was up, but nothing was. She still got an adrenaline rush from the cops coming after her. She loved that more than anything. In that car, we were free. We could go anywhere and we could do anything. No rules. Just us and love. Kissing at all of the red lights. Stopping down by the lake to make love. We did it all. We knew it all. That was the kind of love that we had. It could burn forever with no end in sight.

_We parked way out in a clearin 'in a grove and the night  
Was hot as a coal burnin' stove,  
We were cookin' the gas we were had to last_

"Kendall," Jo said, as I continued to kiss her soft lips.  
"What's wrong, baby?"  
She pulled away and got off of me in an instant. Something was up, but I didn't know what. "Nothing," she looked at me with her green eyes piercing through my hazel ones. "Can we go home?"  
"Sure, sweetheart. We can go home,"__

In the back of that red rag top  
She said please don't stop

"Kendall," Jo said, later on that night as we sat parked outside of her house. "Can you just promise me one thing?"  
"Sure, anything" I told her.  
"Please don't ever stop loving me,"__

Well the very first time her mother met me,  
her green eyed girl was a mother to be for 2 weeks

Jo came from a broken home. She rarely ever saw her father, and she was closest to her mother. Her mother was a saint. She was the greatest woman that I had ever known next to my own mother. Sarah had welcomed me into their house with open arms and was completely blown away by mine and Jo's relationship. She swore we were going to get married. Didn't they all?  
"Jo, you okay?" her mom asked her at dinner that night. it was shrimp scampi, cheddar bay biscuits, white wine, salad and garlic mashed potatoes—seafood was common in South Carolina this time of year.  
"Yes, mom, I'm fine,"  
"Joanna, you're pregnant, aren't you?"_  
_

_I was out of a job and she was in school,  
life was fast and the world was cruel_

"Kendall, I..."  
"How could you not tell me, Jo? After everything that we've been through?"  
"I was going to tell you!"  
"When? When you were going into labor? Did you ever even think how we're going to support this child? I'm out of work! You're not working either,"  
"My parents…"  
"We aren't relying on your parents for money. If we're old enough to climb into bed and have sex, we're old enough to raise this child!"  
"Kendall, I can't. You don't understand. I can't raise a child. I'm only eighteen. I'm not ready,"  
"Then what are we going to do?"  
"I have it all figured out. Don't worry,"_  
_

_We were young and wild, we decided not to have a child  
So we did what we did and we tried to forget  
and we swore up and down there would be no regrets  
in the morning light,  
but on the way home that night_

"No regrets, right?" Jo asked, holding her stomach. How could she be this calm after something major just happened? Didn't I have a say in this, too? This was my child that she…just got rid of. At this moment in time, I felt a little less in love with her. But I had to be with her now, more than ever.__

On the back of that red rag top  
She said please don't stop..  
lovin' me

"Kendall, don't hate me," she told me, as we sat on the back of her car that night.  
"Jo, I could never hate you,"  
"Good. Please don't ever stop loving me,"  
But the truth was was that I was starting to. The promise that I had made to her was now about to be shattered into pieces.__

We took one more trip around the sun,  
It was all make believe in the end,

Jo and I didn't last much longer after she had the abortion. I couldn't stand to look at the girl that I had once loved. The break-up was extremely hard on the both of us, and for days I sat in my room of my parents house crying. And then, I began to get my life into gear. But, nothing had really worked out._  
_

_No I can't say where she is today,  
I can't remember who I was, back then_

Honestly, back when I was twenty, I don't even remember who I was. After that, I joined a band named Big Time Rush, sang my heart out for fourteen years and never looked back. I haven't talked to Jo in sixteen years. I never get a call from her. No texts. No emails. Nothing. I guess she took the break-up hard, too, but it was her fault in the first place. If it was my idea, I would have a child in high school right now, and teaching her how to drive. Teaching her how to play sports. Teaching her everything that I knew about music and math and social studies and English and science. About life. We would have gone to father/daughter dances and I would have coached her T-ball team, and then her softball team. I would be the one who chased the bad dreams away. Tucked her in at night. Sang to her to get her to fall asleep. She could have came to my shows. Supported me through everything. Called me on the phone just to say 'hey, dad. I love you," Walked her down the aisle. Danced with her at her wedding. She would have given me grandchildren, and held my hand as I said goodbye to this world. And her mother would be right beside me. We would all be a happy family. But, Joanna Marie Taylor took all of that away from me on September 18, 1995.

_Well you do what you do and you pay for your sins,  
and there's no such thing as what might've been, that's a waste of time  
drive you outta your mind_

To this day, it still triggers my mind. I don't like the idea that I killed a child in the back of my mind, but back then, it seemed right. And now, I'm kicking myself for it. I still call South Carolina home and I go out sometimes and just drive to drive. I stop by where Jo and I spent long summer nights, and where she had lived. All of those are memories now, fluttered and stored away for keepsake. _  
_

_I was stopped at a red light just yesterday beside a young girl  
in a cabriolet and her eyes  
were green  
I was in an old scene_

Pulling up by West King's Street the other day, I looked next to me. At the red light was a girl. She looked exactly like Jo. Long, blonde hair. Green eyes. But then, I noticed something else, too. She kind of looked like me. She was beautiful, and whoever's daughter this was should have been the luckiest person alive. She seems like a great girl. Exactly like her mother. And her father.__

I was back in that red rag top  
on the day she stopped  
loving me


End file.
